Clickbait Boyfriend: Always In Critical Mode

Happy Critical Mode release day, Kingdom Hearts fans! I finally have some free time, so part of me is tempted to pick Kingdom Hearts 3 up again and really test my mettle, but I’m channeling that energy into this blog instead! Clickbait Boyfriend is playing on Standard, but that has never stopped him from being critical before.

(New to the series? Find all of CBB’s thoughts on your favorite Kingdom Hearts moments here!)

“I got three porcini mushrooms? WHAT? Has Sora become an urban forager?”

-on gathering ingredients

I think it’s probably a stretch to call Olympus “urban,” but Sora has definitely embraced the hunter-gatherer lifestyle. The gummi ship must have a pretty sweet mini-fridge to store all this stuff.

Sora Kingdom Hearts urban forager

Do all the greens wilt after a day like in our fridge too?

“This is unbelievable, I found a secret area where I picked up some black truffle.”

-on good foraging luck

Why are we just handing these over to Little Chef? Sora, sell that for munny!

“He’s gonna be fine. They’re not gonna kill off Hercules.”

-on Disney armor

I mean, this isn’t Game of Thrones, people. This is E10+. Killing Hercules would require at least a T for Teen rating.

The Fates Hercules

The Fates have other ideas.

“Is it just me or is he talking a little like Xehanort?”

-on Xigbar and uncanny resemblances

Xigbar and Norty have always been two peas in a pod. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.

Xigbar with Xehanort's haircut.

Man, those PS4 graphics look so good on Xigbar’s new ‘do. The lighting! The detailed veins! So lifelike.

“Good for them for doing something way more interesting with Olympus Coliseum.”

-on moving beyond the Coliseum

Who knew that there was actually a Mt. Olympus outside of the delightful rectangle areas of the Coliseum this whole time?

Zeus Kingdom Hearts 3 Sparks Joy Marie Kondo

I know I did a Marie Kondo meme last week too, but come on. SPARKS? I couldn’t resist.

“It only took them nine games into the series to say hey maybe our Disney worlds shouldn’t be s#!t.”

-on lesson learned over fifteen years

Yes, I can only imagine the conversation at Square Enix:

“Nomura-san, I have an idea.”


“The Disney worlds should be actually good this time.”


End scene.

“First of all, this is totally based on a ride at Disney World—“

They’re called attractions.

“No, they did not do that.”

-on unappreciated crossover content

Clickbait Boyfriend seems really surprised that a Disney game is including Disney World rides???

When you try to open a chest but accidentally activate Attraction Flow

“Donald and Goofy are carrying me, as per usual.”

-on the power of friendship

At least in my playing experience, the AI in this game feels much more inclined to be useful, and much less inclined to use the last of Donald’s magic for Thunder when I’m at one health. It’s the little things.

Donald Duck Red Cross

Donald is here to cure your ails. Sometimes.

“It feels like they noticed everything they did right in Symphony of Sorcery and decided all the worlds had to be like that. They are doing it marvelously in this world. Each location has a distinct aesthetic and different ways to explore the world. It’s much more dynamic. I approve.”

-on actual praise?

What more can I add to that?

Sora battling titans kingdom hearts 3 wholesome meme

A wholesome meme, of course! Also, look at those gorgeous monstrosities.

“Whoa, first person shooter!”

-on Blaster Blaze

See, if the first game had attractions, maybe I wouldn’t be so bad at FPS mechanics. This is my training ground.

Donald duck gun hand over the ingredients

Wait, not like that.

“I haven’t used a potion since Kingdom Hearts 2.”

-on being stubborn

Weird flex, but okay.

“He both looks and sounds like the king from the Legend of Zelda animated series…that would be the most ambitious crossover event of all time.”

-on free ideas for Kingdom Hearts 4…and Zeus’s long lost brother

You heard it here first folks: Kingdom Hearts 4  is officially dropping Disney for Nintendo. Switch Exclusive. Don’t tell Nomura I told you.

Zeus and The Legend of Zelda King long lost brothers

Clickbait Boyfriend (left) telling me (right) that I’m cute.

“Yes yes yes!”

-on the return of the fanfare

A brass section never sounded so good.

Olympus with the horn-blowing Heartless Kingdom Hearts

I like what they’ve done with the place.

“What is up with the plaid?”

-on dubious fashion choices

In high school, my friends and I organized weekly Plaid Thursdays, where we all wore flannel shirts. I own probably a dozen plaid shirts still. Don’t hate on the plaid.

Plaid is Rad Kingdom Hearts 3

I rest my case.

“Riku is looking less buff? He’s looking positively flabby. He used to be pure lean muscle. Also, v-neck!”

-on PS4 bodyshaming

Geez, cut the guy a break! It’s tough to find time to hit the gym when you have to spend all your life chasing Mickey Mouse around the Realm of Darkness!

Riku Funko vs the guy she tells you not to worry about Kingdom Hearts

Check out those guns on the right though. Dream Drop Distance Riku was pumping iron.

“So far so good, no gaslighting yet.”

-on tentative Mickey Mouse optimism

Maybe he’s finally changed this time…

Mickey Mouse helping others Kingdom Hearts 3

“Unless it’s me you’re talking about, fellas!”

“Oh my god, Riku is OP!”

-on the benefits of not losing your strength in a darkness coma
Riku whaaaat? Kingdom Hearts 3 Realm of Darkness

Clickbait Boyfried’s response to fighting as Riku

“Questions Mickey Mouse should have asked himself 14 years ago.”

-on keeping Aqua waiting in the Realm of Darkness

Is Aqua okay? Is she still in the Realm of Darkness? How can I help her? 

All entries on the list.

Mickey Mouse Aqua realm of darkness KHQ trivia

“Tough question on KHQ today.” -only MIckey Mouse

“I knew there had to be an even darker Realm of Darkness somewhere.”

-on true darkness

Clickbait Boyfriend was suspicious of the relatively well-lit Realm of Darkness from 0.2, and seemingly, he was right to be. Darkness within darkness indeed. 

Terra smothered by darkness Kingdom Hearts

Pictured: Clickbait Boyfriend playing Kingdom Hearts

Next time: Clickbait Boyfriend gets a gummiphone. The world will never be the same.

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