Clickbait Boyfriend fans, we are just one day away from that most magical (or, let’s be honest, magically confusing) moment: Kingdom Hearts III release day. That means that Clickbait Boyfriend has a lot of work to do if he’s going to be caught up and ready to jump into his first brand new Kingdom Hearts game ever. He’ll be playing 0.2 tonight, but first, we’ve got one more cinematic watch. In a Clickbait Boyfriend first, Josh and I watched Back Cover for the first time together! The baby is all grown up and knows the same amount about the series as me! I just shed a tear.
But this isn’t the time to get sentimental! We have some weird cat creatures and Keyblade intrigue to watch!
(New to Clickbait Boyfriend? This is the perfect time to get started! Check out all of his adventures here.)
“I can’t believe that cat thing from the Kingdom Hearts 3 trailer is from Back Cover.”
-on making sense of those last few trailer secrets
I was going to ask where else it could possibly be from, but 1. it could very well be a Dream Eater and 2. Kingdom Hearts has never shown much (any?) restraint about throwing new wrenches into the mix.
“Dang, this looks intense.”
-on the most positive early feedback CBB has ever given a Kingdom Hearts game
Clickbait Boyfriend is clearly pretty dazzled by the pretty graphics on the PS4. He’ll never admit it, but I’ll bet that’s half the reason he’s been at least relatively positive toward the 2.8 collection.
“Whenever you make a grunt of understanding, I’m going to get very insecure.”
-on the perils of a slightly spoiled girlfriend
In the process of writing dozens of Clickbait Boyfriend blogs, I had to do a lot of Google Image searching. Inevitably, I occasionally encountered light spoilers for games I had yet to play. It’s an occupational hazard. That said, as I mentioned in the introduction, this was also my first time watching Back Cover, so I had just enough insight into this new wrinkle in the Kingdom Hearts universe to make Clickbait Boyfriend nervous. It doesn’t take much, apparently!
“This is the master? Why does he talk like a skater boy?”
-on bold vocal choices
Emma’s theory is that having such a laid-back master is what caused all of the Foretellers to be so serious, but I think that it was just a strong but wrong vocal choice.
“This does look gorgeous.”
-on the beauty of a PS4 original
What did I tell you? He’s dazzled.
“Got it memorized? That’s my current working hypothesis.”
-on bizarre, impossible conspiracy theories
For some reason, Clickbait Boyfriend convinced himself that the master was going to be Axel. This makes no sense, as Back Cover takes place about one hundred years before any of the other games, and we saw Lea as a child in Birth By Sleep. However, this whole series makes no sense, so I can’t mock him too much.
-on ever-present fists
The Arthur fist is more of an animation trope than I realized.
“Damn, okay Morgana. Oh man, he’s whipped.”
-on obeying the orders of side-kick kitties
This is why we aren’t cat people.
“Uh oh, Aced acting a little sketch.”
–on sniffing out the traitor
Don’t let the darkness into your heart, Aced!
“This is killing me. Who is it going to be?”
-on plot investment???
If I take anything away from watching Back Cover with Clickbait Boyfriend, it’s that he is in deeper than I realized. He’s incredibly invested in the plot of the most esoteric Kingdom Hearts game available on a console system. I have created a monster.
“Their names put together are probably an anagram of something. I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
-on justified intuitions
A Nicaragua Lea Vivid
A Racial Guava Divine
A Vaginal Vicar Adieu
Valiance Aura Via Dig
“I just want a feature length KH movie.”
-on unexplored media forms
We’ve hit almost every gaming system, both handheld and console, plus manga and cutscene cinematics that are somehow either too short or far too long to be considered “feature-length.” It’s only a matter of time before Kingdom Hearts hits movies theaters. Maybe Sora can make it into the next generation of Marvel movies.
“Honestly, this is up there with the Moogle.”
-on the Kingdom Hearts Cuteness Continuum
It’s about time the Kingdom Hearts Hotness Continuum had an E-rated counterpart! Chirithys are pretty cute, but I don’t think anything will beat a flesh and blood Moogle for CBB.
“Maybe these are the children.”
-on the Dandelions
It feels like the Dandelions have to show up in Kingdom Hearts 3, but I am deeply afraid that if they do, I will completely lose touch with the plot.
“Ansem and Xemnas are ‘names,’ so I know something is going on here.”
-on anagrams…anagrams everywhere
Is there some kind of connection between ‘names’ and Namine??? The world may never know.
“That’s bad that’s like the pose Xehanort does, that’s bad.”
-on disconcerting similarities
Just go ahead and Nort me now. All of the additional confusion of this movie has made me welcome the darkness.
“WHAT NO NO NO!”
-on the black box
“Punch me in the face, please.”
-on the correct reaction to this whole series
If Kingdom Hearts doesn’t make you want to punch yourself in the face, you’re doing it wrong.
Next time: Clickbait Boyfriend plays 0.2: A Fragmentary Passage and makes some predictions about Kingdom Hearts 3!