“I’m kind of getting a burst of adrenaline just thinking about the revelations that might await me.”
-on booting up the game
In lieu of a written introduction this week, here’s a video summary of Clickbait Boyfriend’s current feelings about Kingdom Hearts:
Happy birthday, Clickbait Boyfriend! I hope Tetsuya Nomura gives you some answers this year as a present.
(New to Clickbait Boyfriend? Check out the whole series here!)
“Damn, Riku is jacked!”
-on the Kingdom Hearts Hotness Continuum?
Riku is growing up fine. He’s no Daisy Duck, but he’s clearly been hitting the Keyblade gym, the Darkness diet.
Look at Sora’s scrawny arms.
“How does time work?”
-on the big questions
We have been grappling with how time works in the Kingdom Hearts universe for months now to no avail.I think it’s safe to say that Dream Drop Distance will raise more new questions than old answers. Still, kudos to CBB for continuing to search for the truth.
How am I supposed to react to this?
“Okay, dream sequence, I get it.”
-on Ursula
This could very well be a statement about the whole game. Minus the “I get it” part, because of course, we don’t.
Ruin those perfect dream teeth, Sora.
“And that’s it! Sora drowned to death. End of series.”
-on closure
Will that be a more satisfying ending than whatever Nomura gives us? Probable.
The end.
“That was more fun than any gummi level I’ve ever done.”
-on progress and gummi hatred
It is no secret that Clickbait Boyfriend hates the gummi ship. He has made it very clear over the past year that it is one of his least favorite parts of the series. Dive is almost identical to the gummi ship in terms of mechanics, so was it better designed, or does CBB just have something about space ships made of Sour Patch Kids?
Now you ARE the gummi ship.
“NO! NO! WHAT?”
-on Neku
I almost accidentally gave away this reveal, and I’m so glad I didn’t.
Pictured: CBB, seeing Neku in Traverse Town
“He should be in Shibuya!!!”
-on the whole point of Traverse Town
Yeah dude, but it’s pretty obvious Shibuya has already been taken over by some form of the darkness. Between the noise and the Shadows, Shibuya is probably already beyond the reach of even Keyblade masters. Speaking of shadows, does this make Champ McDude part of the Kingdom Hearts canon?
Things are looking dark in Shibuya. Will Champ pick up a Keyblade and save us all?
“Am I gonna learn how to do parkour now?”
-on flowmotion
Uh, pretty much.
“Go forth and show the Mark of Mastery by completing some dope tricks.”
“This game is throwing so much at me and there’s nothing holding it together.”
-on six tutorials in a row
You can hand-wave this by saying that it’s all a dream, and dreams don’ t make sense, but I think Square Enix was just having fun playing with different functionalities on the 3DS. The ridiculous side feature reveals aren’t even over yet…
The gif is tiny, but it’s because you couldn’t handle any more craziness.
“Like Deep Jungle?”
-on sleeping worlds
Sick. Burn.
If it comes back in Kingdom Hearts 3 I will be SHOOK.
“This is a bad fan-fiction. This is not canon.”
-on spirits
CBB was not charmed by the cuteness of the spirits. To be fair, they are absurd. I ask this almost every blog, but who the eff came up with this?
Bring on Prosciutto Melody.
“It’s like some unholy amalgamation of Kingdom Hearts, Pokémon, and Neopets.”
-on bonding with your spirits
This is also a direct quote from the pitch meeting for this concept. A clear home run.
A leak from the next generation of Switch Pokemon games. Very rare. Don’t tell Nintendo I have this.
“We’re going through the history of philosophy.”
-on his new pet Plato
Clickbait Boyfriend already proved he couldn’t be trusted with naming functionality during his playthrough of Birth By Sleep, when he came up with some pretty silly names for his finish commands.
I am very proud of this meme.
“They made a Kingdom Hearts Nintendogs.”
-on hidden crossovers
This does feel like something that Emma and I would come up with as an end-of-episode mash-up.
Which is to say, it makes little sense and is tonally kinda wonky.
“He even talks like me!”
-on Joshua
Clickbait Boyfriend and I are still working our way through The World Ends With You on the Switch. We’re enjoying it, but I can’t take notes on quotable content when I am also struggling to keep my cursor on our tiny television screen! Thus, we’ve already met Joshua and been excited to meet a video game character that shares a name with CBB. However, there hasn’t been much in the way of voice acting on the Switch, so now we get to hear the…bold…choice the actor made in DDD.
Hello there, Joshua.
“Thank god I have subtitles.”
-on the difference between X and Key
They don’t pronounce the two versions differently! There’s no audio distinction between x-blade and Keyblade! How would I know what they mean?
How would Xehanort know to fall into this trap?
“Are you telling me that it just so happens that the exact same number of fragments of light and darkness match up with the seven main protagonists and thirteen main antagonists?”
-on convenient divisions
I don’t think the “seven main protagonists” are quite as cut and dry as CBB makes it sound here, but is he really advocating for a more confusing turn of events than the one we’ve been presented?
Explain it all to me, Xehanort.
“You’re saying I have to do it all again because of some arbitrary timer?”
-on dropping mid-boss fight
Paying attention to the drop gauge is part of the strategy of Dream Drop Distance. It’s literally right there in the title. That doesn’t make it less frustrating.
You might as well have a ticking clock on your hand.
“The combat system in this game is overstuffed.”
-on too many ideas for one game
This whole series is overstuffed.
Clickbait Boyfriend’s definition of overstuffed is “requires pressing more than one button.”
Next time: Teenage computer science experts, Ansem’s hair care routine, and Schmeff Schmidges!