Clickbait Boyfriend fans, it’s hard to believe, but this is the penultimate edition of Clickbait Boyfriend’s journey through Kingdom Hearts for the foreseeable future! Unless self-isolation drives us into the waiting arms of Union X, of course, but we’re not quite that desperate yet. This time, CBB wraps up Re:Mind and dives to the heart into the Limit Cut episode. Scroll to the bottom for some good reading music if you need it, and get ready for today’s friendship tour!
(Reading Clickbait Boyfriend for the first time? Check out our whole archive here!)
“I saved you, but now we’re dead.”
-on trying your best, but ending up in the Final World anyway
What’s more romantic than taking your date to literal purgatory? At least the sky is always blue and there’s lots of fresh air and natural light. Actually…the Final World is sounding pretty good right about now. Who do I talk to about trading my mortal soul?
Me (left) when CBB (right) shows me yet another chunky opossum on Instagram.
“They’re everywhere!”
-on Sora and Kairi’s friendship tour
This was one of the places where I felt the conceit of going back and seeing the same cutscenes from a slightly different perspective really worked. For a lot of Re:Mind, it could feel like a cheap trick to repackage content, but I found it pretty affecting to watch Sora and Kairi get to guardian (one-winged) angel their friends.
As if that ice cream reunion scene wasn’t tear-jerking enough already…
“Is Sora gonna say hi to his mom?”
-on the real trump card Square is saving for a rainy day
Sora’s mom is going to be pivotal to the climax of Kingdom Hearts XVI.2345, just you wait.
“…and mom, you aren’t my friend!”
“I’m scared. Am I ready for this?”
-on starting the secret episode
And just like that, we’ve finished Re:Mind and we’re on to Limit Cut! Satisfying answers have been elusive in the first part of the DLC, but maybe this is the point where we finally learn what the eff is going on! That new game optimism, it’s washing over me.
CBB, on the knowledge of the series he’s gained so far.
“This is the worst voice acting.”
-on Terra, every single time.
We’ve got to give him credit for some improvement (and I can hear Emma’s voice echoing from somewhere that “the voice direction in Birth By Sleep was just bad.”), but the dude is just outclassed.
Including how to act.
“Does Aqua have a fancy new Keyblade?”
-on what is really a fancy old Keyblade
She’s swapped Eraqus’s Keyblade for her own. There are a lot of keys to keep track of these days, so an understandable mistake.
We’re holding it together as best we can. Banana bread, anyone?
“Where are they goin’?”
-on Terra, Aqua, and Ven, returning to the darkness
Hmmm, where could the mysterious dark portal lead? It couldn’t possibly be the realm of darkness, that would be way too obvious.
This looks like something out of a completely different game.
“We’re getting ambitious with the time jumps here! They’re not going to tell you what happened in the meantime? Nothing happened with the box?”
-on yet more unanswered questions
For those keeping track, this is the second time that a year of Sora’s young life has passed without him consciously experiencing it. The kid is maybe sixteen, and he’s already spent a whole year asleep and a whole year presumed dead. They say you spend one third of your life asleep, but Sora’s going for a record here.
Also yeah, no news on the box. Are you surprised?
The whole CBB series summed up.
“Damn, Leon’s looking fresh!”
-on that belated PS4 glow-up
All the Disney characters got their big PS4 debuts last year, but Leon and the Final Fantasy brigade have had to wait until now to make a high-res splash. Look at the definition on that scar!
Nothing like a reasonable man.
“They’ve been looking into the data? What data?”
-on Re:Coded rearing its ugly head once more
You thought Cid and Tron were just resting on their virtual laurels this whole time? Think again.
Please?
“This is so exciting!”
-on a rare moment of joy
Clickbait Boyfriend is excited about data! This is where STEM careers are born, folks!
If by “this close” you mean “six feet away”
“There’s some unresolved sexual tension there, isn’t there?”
-on Riku and Kairi
I mean, let’s not go down the rabbit hole of Sora and Riku’s relationship either. The boy needs some more normal friendships. Where’s Wakka when you need him?
Tidus…Selphie…
“She sleepin’.”
-on Kairi, taking a nap
“Their data is so powerful!”
-on things Clickbait Boyfriend doesn’t know the half of
Clickbait Boyfriend said this without even trying to fight any of the actual battles. He knows nothing of true power.
Here’s a screenshot that would deeply confuse FFVII players in 1997.
“Am I supposed to think this is comprehensible?”
-on a good question for the entire series, but specifically the Organization data
I can’t say it makes a lot of sense that Cid programmed enemies so powerful that they’re able to guard data he doesn’t even know about behind a firewall of boss fights, but computers seem to function differently in Kingdom Hearts, so who can say?
“You didn’t do anything Leon. Where were you when the real Kingdom Hearts was being unleashed?”
-on fighting battles on the homefront
Not everyone can gallivant around visiting their friends across the universe on a vague quest to recover their powers and save some missing kids. Some people had to be the adults and stay behind to protect their home world, okay? We can’t all use heart-based transit.
Actually, Sora’s ability to “trace the connection” might come in especially handy right now.
“What’s up with these chill low fi beats to study to?”
-on the groovy Datascape soundtrack
Cid coded some dope tunes into his boss battle hellscape, that’s for sure.
Next time: the last edition of Clickbait Boyfriend: Kingdom Hearts!