I finished Episode Prompto today and, ugh, I really did love it. Here’s some notable statistics from my utterly masterful playthrough.
Deaths: 0
Amount of times Prompto said, “I’m a wreck” cuz he was ’bout to die: 12
Amount of times Prompto said “yoink!”: 1
Times I ran away from incoming death while screaming: 17
Time spend dodge rolling: More time than spent walking, probs
Selfies: 6
Jump scares: 4
Intentional jump scares: 1
Amount of times I got blasted off the snowmobile: 2
Amount of times I got off the snowmobile by accident: 3
Amount of times I drove the snowmobile someplace it wasn’t supposed to go: 2
Amount of times the snowmobile should have exploded into a fiery wreck but didn’t: Uncountable
Understatement of the century:
Times I shot my gun instead of sprinting: 7
Times I shot my gun instead of picking something up: 3
Times I jumped instead of picking something up: Uncountable (but was kinda expecting that from the main game)
Amount of times Aranea saved my butt: 14
Crackshots: SPAM THAT TRIANGLE BUTTON
Broods by the vending machine: 3.5 (cuz the last one had Aranea too, and who can brood with Aranea???)
Awkwardly placed vending machine where you can chill out even though the story event clearly makes more sense if you rush into the next room: 1
Times Noct made an effort: 1, awwww, what an emo dork
Time I spent running in the exact wrong direction from the goal while nightmare Noct was attacking: 30 seconds
Coolest outfit: Aranea’s uber-cool weather-appropriate style
Dogs: 1
Percentage by which my love for Prompto went up: 1000%
The whole experience: Priceless. Just kidding, it was $4.99
THE END. That was fun enough that I might just pick up Final Fantasy XV again. Also because THE CHOCOBO FESTIVAL IS BACK, BABY, I WANT TO RIDE MY CHOCOBO ALLLLLLL DAY. My verdict? One thumb up, but only because the other hand is busy taking a selfie.