Hey there, Clickbait Boyfriend fans! This week, it’s been more like Sickbait Boyfriend, as we’ve both battled the darkness (Standard Time is killer, folks) and a truly terrible cold. It’ll be a relief to relax with Sora and friends as they *checks notes* gather their dead soul pieces. Well. At least we’ve got a chibi cat to cheer us along!
(New to Clickbait Boyfriend? Check out the whole archive here!)
“Am I going to have to find Sora’s body parts?”
-on facilitating reincarnation
I mean, sort of. More like his spirit parts.
“Me when I get a bad comment on a paper.”
-on “conceptually in pieces”
It’s very tough to be a professional thinker. Quotes from Kingdom Hearts start to attack you personally.
“I still have my camera!”
-on afterlife selfies
Life is transitory, social media glory is forever.
“Who is this?”
-on the stars, part one
“Who’s Papa??? Where’s Papa???”
-on the stars, part two
“This is getting really dark. These are just random dead people?”
-on the stars, part three
I’m still a little unclear on whether the stars are supposed to correspond to characters that we know, or if they’re just thematically related to our friends. There’s one about friendship and unspoken love that’s clearly bait for Axel/Roxas shippers, at the very least. Or are they all just the forgotten Traverse Town NPCs? So many unsolved mysteries, so little time.
“They’re doing epistemology!”
-on defining belief
For those not in the philosophical know, epistemology is the study of knowledge and belief. Sora tells ones of the stars that it needs to believe without proof, so you know that Dr. Clickbait Boyfriend had a field day with that one.
“Look at these happy, dancey boys!”
-on Sora’s cheerful spirit dopplegangers
Apparently a substantial part of Sora’s soul is some cheerful dance moves, which really shouldn’t come as a surprise.
“Why is this actual in-game confirmation that Ventus was alive at the dawn of the Keyblade War?”
-on the time travel nobody wanted
I think it goes without saying that we’re big Kingdom Hearts fans here at Talk This NYC HQ, but Union X has always felt like a step too far. I did download it onto my phone at some point, but I haven’t had the heart to try to play any. You’ve got to draw a line somewhere.
“I’m coming around to the chibi cat.”
Clickbait Boyfriend can’t resist a small cuddly animal-creature for long.
“We were just gallivanting around with Captain Jack Sparrow and now I’m dead.”
-on the fleeting nature of life
This is maybe the deepest Clickbait Boyfriend quote of all time. You have to make the most of the time you’ve got, and if that means running around with pirates, then that’s what you should do. Death comes for us all.
“How many worlds did I visit? I visited seven worlds, didn’t I?”
-on a journey of very convenient length
Theory: Nomura does not know how to count, only recognizes the numbers 7 and 13.
“Oh great, so I get a different boss for each friend. Fantastic.”
-on gathering the hearts of the Seven Lights
Honestly, this was one of the most classic Kingdom Hearts missions we’ve had in a while. We’ve got a string of boss fights, a return to all the previous worlds, and stakes that seem high but also opaque and difficult to understand! Doesn’t get much more on-brand than that, never mind that it’s also a pretty direct callback to the sequence at End of the World in the very first game where you return to worlds through the pillars of light. This time, we’ve just added FRIENDSHIP to the mix.
“I’m a little confused. Sora was in heaven, and then he seemed to come back, and then he died again, and now he’s going to all the other worlds.”
-on simultaneously learning too much and not enough about death
This confusion is a feature and not a bug, CBB. You’d think you’d have learned that by now. Besides, do you really want a long, convoluted explanation of what happened here? I mean, do you really?
“My standards for a good explanation have dropped over the course of the series.”
-on the true toll Kingdom Hearts takes on you
See, now he’s getting into the spirit of things!
“Put the moves on her, come on!”
-on hitting on Kairi
“I’m starting to hate Lucky Emblems.”
-on the endless search for selfies
Because CBB played on Standard, he had to track down thirty Lucky Emblems. At first, he took great joy in the hunt, but now, he’s lost his youthful enthusiasm.
Speaking of which, here’s an apt throwback to Clickbait Boyfriend’s experience with Birth By Sleep. The original Lucky Emblem!
“This is starting to get unhealthy.”
-on Lucky Emblem Addiction (LEA)
You start to see them everywhere. Take a break, Clickbait Boyfriend!
“I know they’re working in a restaurant and it’s really busy but does that one second difference really matter?”
-on the harsh realities of the fine dining industry
The establishment is run by Scrooge McDuck, so you’d better believe he’s pinching every penny. Time is money, and he’s got a money pool to fill with gold coins. It really makes you feel for the kitchen staff at high-end restaurants. As Clickbait Boyfriend can now tell you firsthand, it’s not easy work.
“This is humiliating. I can save the world but I can’t even salt and pepper my food.”
-on skill sets that just don’t overlap
Sora is a teenage boy, so we should be impressed that he’s making anything more advanced that pizza rolls, even with a rodent sous chef.
Next time: Biblical allegories, Keyblade surfing, and that perfect V formation.