With trailers dropping left and right, it’s almost a relief to jump into some Kingdom Hearts craziness that at least drops mysterious one-liners in the context of full cutscenes. At this point, there may be no saving Sora, but there’s nosaving Clickbait Boyfriend either. He’s in this thing deep. This week, let’s have some adventures in the belly of the whale, check in on everyone’s favorite completely extraneous Disney character, and try to decide once and for all where we stand on the whole “Mickey Mouse is a good guy” thing!
(New to Clickbait Boyfriend? Catch up on every single post here.)
“He’s been butting in the whole time!”
-on Riku’s Tron adventures
Keyblade wielders aren’t supposed to meddle in the affairs of other worlds. Of course, that’s literally the only thing they do in this entire series, so I’m not sure why Riku is only just starting to feel weird about it.
“Isn’t this what they were trying to find? What was their plan?”
It did seem for all intents and purposes that the plan was for Monstro to eat them so that the team could rescue Geppetto. I can see having cold feet, but Sora should have thought about that before he pulled a Jonah and the whale.
“What are they breathing?”
-on underwater inhalation
Without the fallback explanation of Donald’s magic, I couldn’t tell ya. Oh wait, it’s a dream! Duh!
“Okay, I’ve completed three worlds. I’m ready for some revelations.”
I’m not sure these were the revelations Clickbait Boyfriend wanted, but we did get some Artists Formerly Known as Organization XIII and Mickey Mouse action, so he’s not wrong to expect an infusion of knowledge here.
“This is what you get for being a deadbeat who can’t stick with your own wife.”
-on Mickey Mouse’s meandering ways
Mickey doesn’t ever seem to spend any significant time at Disney Castle with his wife, Queen Minnie. It does make you wonder about their relationship. Does she do most of the ruling? Is she okay with his gallivanting all over the galaxy “rescuing pure princesses?” Can she wield a Keyblade???
“Nomura should have just sat down and asked, ‘is this strictly necessary to get the point across?'”
-on TWEWY hand timers
It is clear that Nomura has never once asked himself this question.
-on the flow of time in different worlds
“Not only is he named Joshua, he’s very good at deductive reasoning.”
-on uncanny similarities
Clickbait Boyfriend told me he was starting to identify with Joshua, which Emma seemed to find concerning for some reason. I dunno, I haven’t finished The World Ends With You yet.
“Wait a second, I thought I already beat that guy!”
-on Spellican’s minions
Oh Clickbait Boyfriend, have you learned nothing in the past year? Never assume you’ve seen the last of a boss in Kingdom Hearts! Ansem’s stupid Guardian disappeared for ten years and now he’s in like every game again!
“Why is Pete back?”
-on baffling narrative choices
I wish I could tell you.
“I feel like this whole game is character rehabilitation for Mickey.”
-on the Mickey Mouse charm offensive
It’s no secret that Clickbait Boyfriend hates Mickey Mouse, which is not something I believe the developers intended. I mean, he’s Mickey Mouse! Who hates Mickey Mouse? That said, this game goes out of its way to make Mickey seem more heroic than he has in previous installments. Not only is he rescuing Minnie (with a big assist from Lea) in the present, but he’s all over the dream worlds as a secret Keyblade-wielding Mouseketeer and in his well-meaning apprentice days. Are the writers trying to distract me from the fact that Mickey let his friends languish in darkness for a decade? Or that he’s once again let Sora and Riku do all the dirty work? Because it’s almost working.
“These dreams are only connected when it’s causally convenient.”
-on the Mouseketeers
All will become sort of clear, CBB. Just keep playing and don’t think about it too hard.
“I’m pretty hyped for this world. I want Night At Bald Mountain again.”
-on Symphony of Sorcery
Clickbait Boyfriend looooooves Fantasia, especially Night on Bald Mountain and Chernabog. It’s kind of adorable, from the Clickbait Girlfriend perspective, anyway.
“How confused is Sora going to be when Yen Sid shows up?”
-on familiar faces
Sora literally cannot stop referring to Mickey as “your majesty,” so I think running into a Dream Yen Sid would melt his little brain. Like this series did to my brain years ago.
Next time: a Clickbait Boyfriend holiday spectacular!