Clickbait Boyfriend: The End of An AdVen(ture)

Welcome back to the twentieth edition of Clickbait Boyfriend! It’s hard to believe this series has been going on so long, a statement which is equally applicable to our subject Kingdom Hearts. Josh is rapidly approaching the end of the first third of the sixth or maybe the third depending on how you count it, but certainly his 3.5th game in the series. Can you believe how far our former newbie has come? In today’s blog, let’s see if he can bring Ventus’s storyline to a close, or whether this is finally the moment where he quits out of sheer frustration at understanding less than in the very first blog.

(New to the series? Welcome! Catch up on all of our Clickbait Boyfriend posts here.)

“The fact that there’s also Ancient Greek letters is too much.”

-on chi-blades

There’s so many different ways to interpret this quote. Is it a comment on how Ancient Greece doesn’t really exist in the Kingdom Hearts universe? Is Olympus meant to be Ancient Greece? Or is it a comment on how the chi/key pun is really forced? Or maybe it’s just one plot twist too many? Probably all of the above!

x-blade I feel foolish cartoon pronunciation

“Oh thank god! Not another Disney world where I have to help them find the meaning of friendship.”

-on Destiny islands

Clickbait Boyfriend is burning out on all this “light” stuff. It’s exhausting to control such a good person all the time!

Kingdom hearts fans versus disney fans

“So, he doesn’t remember this, but it doesn’t look like it happened that long ago.”

-on Ventus’s previous training and trauma

I think we’re meant to believe something happened to Ven’s memories when his heart was split. Alternately, it’s just another entry in the ongoing Kingdom Hearts Theory of Relativity research.

Ventus meeting Terra and Aqua comic

Small talk can cause stress-induced amnesia

“True philosopher over there.”

-on Aqua’s analysis of darkness

Takes one to know one!

Donald Duck philosophy kingdom hearts

A reminder that Donald Duck is an epistemologist and metaphysician.

“I remember this, but now it doesn’t look as good.”

-on the Keyblade Graveyard cutscene

I’m not quite sure why they reanimated this cutscene, because it looks a lot better in the secret movie from the end of Kingdom Hearts 2 than it does in the actual final product. I get that it’s probably something to do with the leap from Playstation 2 to PSP and back again, but come on.

“That’s one of the nobodies. Looks kinda like Eraqus too, with the scars on his face.”

-on Braig

Clickbait Boyfriend is getting really paranoid about these slight resemblances. Not without good reason, honestly.

Braig Keyblade burn

This picture is pre-scars, but the quote was too good to resist.

“Is the power of friendship making him thaw?”

-on how love is stronger than Blizzaga

Friendship, love, light, same difference.

Frozen Ventus Cartoon

Ventus wouldn’t last in KH3’s Frozen world.

“Something tells me that I’m going to die a billion effing times.”

-on fighting Vanitus

Throwback to the hours Clickbait Boyfriend spent fighting Roxas in Kingdom Hearts 2. After losing to Riku eleven times on Destiny Islands, its probably his most traumatic Kingdom Hearts experience.

Ventus death continue animation

“It sounds like he’s been saying supper.”

-on “”Suffer!”

Xehanort never taught Vanitus to enunciate.

Vanitus Ventus fight cartoon


“The best offense is a good defense.”

-on learning to block

This is a huge strategic step forward for Josh, who just a few blogs ago insisted that Kingdom Hearts should be played exclusively by mashing the X button. It also contributed to this boss battle taking a full fifteen minutes to complete. Slow and steady wins the race.

Kingdom Hearts guard Ventus

Guard can be useful!

“Remember how I began this boss battle by gliding in a circle indefinitely?”

-on questionable strategies

Like I said, this one was a slog. Apparently, Vanitus’s AI doesn’t see you as a threat if you just ride the wind. Here’s some slightly more combat-focused evidence:

“I knew it. Come on dude. Is that Haley Joel Osment? Is that effing HJO? That’s HJO channeling his inner darkness?”

-on double casting

The Sora/Vanitus double-casting is consistent across both the Japanese and the English voice talent, and I would be lying if I said I fully understood it. I’d be lying if I said I fully understood anything in these games, after all. Personally, I think Haley Joel Osment does a good job with Vanitus! To be fair, he is now significantly older than any of these characters, so tapping into a deeper, darker character might be easier than playing a fourteen year old.

Ventus Vanitus Sora Roxas voice actors

Four characters, two actors.

“Evil villain monologue!”

-on understanding everything…or not.

You’d think a big rant would clear things up, but noooo.

Ventus Vanitus snapchat

Chill out, Vanitus

“Your heart will vanish forever…nobodies don’t have hearts, do they?”

-on Ventus’s personhood

This was the confirmation that Clickbait Boyfriend needed, 95% of the way through the game, that Ventus is, in fact, not the same person as Roxas. I still don’t think he’s at 100% credence, but this was some breakthrough evidence.

Ventus Roxas rivalry lookalike

“Damn brutal!”

-on an all-time great burn

Ventus At least I have some Vanitus burn

“Seriously? Again?”

-on fighting Vanitus for the second time

I’m not quite sure why Clickbait Boyfriend is surprised. This is how the endgame works in Kingdom Hearts. You fight the boss like five times; that’s just what you do! At least this time, there was no giant Vanitus to vanquish.

Ventus Vanitus stained glass

Stained Glass= S#!t’s about to get real

“I’m loving all the X shaped attacks he’s hurling at me. Or should I say chi shaped attacks!”

-on Ancient Greek puns

That’s some thoughtful game design right there!

Ventus Vanitus keyblade obsessed

“Okay, slam that f#%king triangle button.”

-on pivotal reaction commands

That’s right, folks! Clickbait Boyfriend is now using not one, not two, but three buttons to fight Vanitus. *teary-eyed* They grow up so fast!

Triangle Button Kingdom Hearts Nomura

Different game, same idea.

“What? Are you kidding me?”

-on the ending cutscenes

Clickbait Boyfriend found the ending of Ventus’s storyline somewhat…unsatisfying. To be fair, you wouldn’t expect to play one third of a more traditionally structured game and get the full plot picture. Still, this ending doesn’t go out of its way to make sure you understand everything that’s going on. And really, isn’t that lingering sense of confusion a major selling point of the series these days?

Ventus anything for Terra Aqua

Anything…except for clear answers to what the heck is going on, of course.

“So at the end, he’s going into Sora’s heart, right?”

-on the search for answers

Sometimes, Clickbait Boyfriend asks me questions during the game, and I’m not sure if he wants me to answer them or not. Would he prefer the sweet relief of having the answer, or the satisfaction of figuring it all out on his own?

Ventus Frozen Kingdom Hearts Meme

What was I saying about Ventus and Frozen again?

“What if this isn’t a prequel, it’s a sequel? And Sora turned into Xehanort?”

-on one last conspiracy theory

I really hope that’s too complicated and confusing even for Kingdom Hearts, but you really never know, do you?

Soranort Xehanort Kingdom HeartsThat brings our adventures with Ventus (but you can call them our adven with Ven!) to a close. Next Time: Terra!

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